WEDDING RITUALS
SHOMER
Guarding the groom & the bride
There is a custom that the goom & the bride
each require their own shomer (guard) before the wedding
- They can't go move about in their own home by themselves
- Some say this starts from after the Shabbas before the wedding
- Others say it is only the day of the wedding which would start the night before.
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FASTING
Starting from when they wake up,
the groom & the bride fast on the day of their wedding
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EMPTYING POCKETS & UNTYING KNOTS
- Why do we empty our pockets?
1. Some say since one should empty his pockets to remember that just as by death
one doesn't take anything with him so too by the chupah one does not take anything
2. Others say reason is to show that we accept the groom & bride for what they are
& not for what they wear - The custom is to undo the knots of the groom's shoes & undo his tie
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KABBALAS PANIM
Wedding Reception
- Men in 1 room with the groom
- Women in a separate room with the bride
- Ashkenaz, Sephardic & Chabad customs may differ
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BEDEKEN
The groom places the veil on the bride
- The groom & the bride refrain from seeing each other for a full week prior
to their wedding - The first time they see each other is when the groom accompanied by his male
family members & friends march into the Kallah's Kabbalas Panim room - He then moves the veil from the back of her head to cover her face & then leaves the room
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CHUPAH
Wedding Canopy
- The wedding ceremony takes place under the chupah (canopy)
- The chupah is open on all sides which shows the couple's commitment to establish a home which will always be open to guests as was the tent of Abraham & Sarah
- It's desirable for the chupah is to be held beneath the open skies recalling G-d's bracha (blessing) to Abraham that his descendants will be as numerous as the stars & symbolizes
the couples resolve to establish a householdl which will be guided by ideals in the Torah - Neither the groom or the bride wear any jewelry under the chupah
- All knots from their clothing & shoes must be untied
- The bride circles the groom 7 times while he prays
1. The groom prays
2. Some have the custom that the mothers of the couple pick up her train while she circles
3. The bride creates an invisible wall around her husband into which she will step
to the exclusion of all others breaking down any 'invisible' walls that remain between them
4. The bride is protecting her groom from spiritual danger
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KIDDUSHIN
The betrothal
- The Misader Kidushin (Rabbi) recites the bracha (blessing) over the wine
- Then he recites the betrothal blessing which thanks G-d for sanctifying us with the mitzvah of betrothal before consummating the marriage
- The groom sips from the cup & then the bride sips from the cup
- The groom then places the wedding band on the bride's finger
- While putting the ring on her finger, the says in hebrew 'With this ring you are consecrated to me according to the law of Moses & Israel
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THE KESUBAH
Reading of the marriage contract
- After the groom places the ring on the bride's finger, the kesubah (marriage contract) is
read aloud - The kesubah details the husband's principal obligations to his wife - to provide her with
food, clothing & affection along with his other contractual obligations
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NI SUI'IN
Finalizing the wedding ceremony
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YICHUD ROOM
Seclusion room
- 2 relatives or friends of the groom accompany the couple from the chupah to the yichud room
- When the couple enters the room, they stand outside the room & wait for the couple to
leave the room - The couple fast on the day of their wedding & they break their fast when they enter the
yichud room
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SEUDAH
The wedding meal & dancing
- When the couple leave the yichud room, they enter the ballroom & the dancing begins
- There is usually a mechitza (separation) between where the men & women dance
- Some families have a special dance if it is the last of their children to marry
BENCHING & SHEVAH BRACHOS
Grace after the meal & 7 blessings
- The family of the groom selects who will lead the benching
- The benching (grace after the meal) is the same as the weekday benching
- The Sheva Brachos (7 blessings) are the same as those recited beneaththe chupah
- The families choose who is to get each of the brachas that are recited over a cup of wine
- When all the brachas are finished the groom & the bride each sip the wine.
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