Make Your Marriage Great
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Advice for young people getting married?
- It’s very important to be honest with your partner.
- You can’t expect your spouse to read your mind.
- If you don’t like something, whether it’s in the physical sense or in the lifestyle sense,
they’re not going to know. - That’s when anger builds up.
- Communicate, because you can’t expect someone to know you’re dissatisfied.
So how do you communicate?
- Easier said than done!
- It’s not when you’re angry.
1. You have to sit the person down & say “There’s something I need to tell you."
2. I don’t want you to be hurt or upset.”
3. Empower the other person to contribute.
4. It’s important for the other person not to get defensive.
5. It makes such a difference to validate someone’s concerns.
- You just diffuse a moment that could turn into a fight or a conflagration.
1. Then the 'laundry list' comes out.
2. We all keep a 'laundry list' especially women.
3. Keeping the laundry list is a negative thing in a marriage.
What are some ways to keep a marriage happy?
- When your spouse comes home from work, don’t greet them with a “Guess what
happened today.” - Instead try with a “I’m so happy to see you.”
- Give that person a minute to breathe.
- You have to appreciate your spouse.
- They’re not here to be your slave or your maid.
Intimacy in a marriage takes work.
- All the women I know are working even the stay-at-home moms are working - Every
woman is working - You can let intimacy go by days & days, weeks & weeks & that goes by the wayside.
- You have to make sure your intimate life is a full-on intimate life.
- The Mikvah puts you in a position where you have days that you cannot be together so "
the days you are together force you to be special. ' - G-d (Hashem) wants us to have this beautiful spiritual, physical relationship.
- Used properly, this strengthens the marriage.
What’s the bottom line?
- A man needs to feel appreciated & a woman need to feel treasured.
- We're here for a purpose
- If we look at marriage as a gift that Hashem gave us, as a uniting, or a reuniting of a man
& a woman. - Our souls (neshamas) are one half of a whole when we are striving together, that gives
such joy to G-d (Hashem) &I believe so strongly that gives cosmic light to the darkness.
- When a marriage is in that state of love & beauty, it is mimicking the love that God has
for Israel. - When we understand that, we work harder at that & don’t let it go.
- It’s not easy. It’s work.
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Author Of This Article
Chanie Levitin was born in LA & moved to Seattle in 1972 to build up
Chabad outreach for the Pacific Northwest with her husband, Rabbi Shalom Ber Levitin.
She has 12 children between the ages of 22 & 47,
more than 40 grandchildren & four great-grandchildren.
She has spent the years teaching all ages,
giving classes for brides, counseling & birth coaching.
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A Few Of The Other Pages About Marriage
Couples Argue | Family Challenges | Mid-Life Marriage Challenges
Nagging | Negativity | Unspoken Rules
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