ISRAEL IS THE ONLY COUNTRY...
By Ephraim Kishon
Well-known Israeli writer
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Israel is a country surrounded on all sides by enemies,
but the people's headaches
are caused by the neighbors upstairs.
Israel is the only country in the world
where the coffee is already so good
that Starbucks went bankrupt
trying to break into the local market.
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Israel is one of the few places in the world
where the sun sets into the Mediterranean Sea.
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Israel is the only country in the world
whose soldiers eat three sets of salads a day,
none of which contain any lettuce (which is not really a food),
& where olives ARE a food& even a main course in a meal,
rather than something one tosses into a martini.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where one is unlikely to dig a cellar
without hitting ancient archaeological artifacts.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where the leading writers in the country take buses.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where the graffiti is in Hebrew.
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Israel is the only country in the world
that has a National Book Week,
during which almost everyone
attends a book fair and buys books.
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Israel is a country where the same drivers
who cuss you & flip you the bird
will
immediately pull over
& offer you all forms of help
if you look like you need it.
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Israel is the only country in the world
with bus drivers & taxi drivers
who read Spinoza and Maimonides.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where no one cares what rules say
when an important goal can be achieved by bending them.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where reservists are bossed around
& commanded by officers, male & female,
younger than their own children.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where "small talk"
consists of loud, angry debate over politics and religion.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where the ultra-Orthodox Jews beat up the police
& not the other way around.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where inviting someone "out for a drink"
means drinking cola, coffee or tea.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where bank robbers kiss the mezuzah
as they leave with their loot.
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Israel is one of the few countries in the world
that truly likes & admires the United States.
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Israel is the only country in the world
that introduces applications of high-tech gadgets
& devices, such as printers in banks
that print out your statement on demand,
years ahead of the US & decades ahead of Europe .
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Israel is the only country in the world
where everyone on a flight
gets to know one another before the plane lands.
In many cases, they also get to know the pilot
& all about his health or marital problems.
Israel is the only country in the world
where no one has a foreign accent
because everyone has a foreign accent.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where people cuss using dirty words in Russian or Arabic because Hebrew has never developed them.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where patients visiting physicians
end up giving the doctor advice.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where everyone strikes up conversations
while waiting in lines.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where people call an attaché case a "James Bond"
& the "@" sign is called a "strudel".
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Israel is the only country in the world
where there is the most mysterious & mystical calm ambience
in the streets on Yom Kippur, which cannot be explained
unless you have experienced it.
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Sunsets in Jerusalem are gorgeous every evening.
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Israel is the only country in the world
where people read English, write Hebrew & joke in Yiddish.
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